Random Ramblings

Tokyo, Japan, Feb 20 – Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio.Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft’s Windows and DOS systems, Sony’s chairman Asai Tawara said, “We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face…

A Sergeant, Staff Sergeant and a Gunny are out of the shop together forlunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. Theyrub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “Iusually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.” “Me first!”says…

Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.St Peter: Well, you’ve got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision.Bill has a look around heaven. Lots of somber people singing hymns, praising the…

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge…

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic and embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an…

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings…they did it bykilling everyone who opposed them. 2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probablyhaven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation. 3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONGfourteen…

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She…

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.…

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him…